Surreal Impossibility
by Seto Vene
Summary: It's surreal when you're running through what felt like a tempest, panic infesting your mind and body, and the impossibility of your wishes bringing tears to your eyes;;; terrible parenting and Iemitsu bashing, plus some 1st generation guardians being older brothers instead of ancestors. No pairings beyond light hinting of Reborn/Luce. Warnings inside, plus some extra if curious.


**Warning: Mentions of fire, character death (not Tsuna don't worry), alcohol, and abuse. Most of which is all implied and not explicitly described.**

 **Disclaimer: In no way shape or form do I own the rights of Katekyo Hitman Reborn! and its characters.**

 **A/N: A brief backstory of the setting for this fic can be found at the bottom. If, after reading the fic and that summary, there is still any confusion, please feel free to ask me for clarification. I would be more than happy to explain things further.**

* * *

It's surreal.

It's _terrifying_.

 _And_ _oh god he_ _'_ _s right behind him._

It started like any other day- there were bullies, he had another panic attack, Kyoya beat up the offenders, he had his after school study sessions with Reborn, and then he reluctantly went back to his house. It was really nothing out of the ordinary. His friends even made their attempt to convince him not to go back, as they like to do every time he says he will. Kyoya was especially vehement in his protests, although naturally in that way where Kyoya didn't really have to say anything, but more so exude a certain air that demanded everyone obey and concede to his will. This time, and only this time, Kyoya did not win the argument.

He went home, and he thought everything was the same as always.

Nana, his dear mother, pretended to not hear him come in like she always does now. No, she remained in the kitchen, humming to herself, focused solely on the food she was cooking. He thought maybe he heard her voice waver a little- maybe she was thinking of how terribly she missed her son again? Not him though. Never him. She never notices him; she doesn't even remember his existence anymore. It hurt not being acknowledged, but it was something he was sadly getting used to. Of course he always hopes that maybe, just maybe, she'll finally look at _him_ and smile that warm smile and say, " _I_ _'_ _m so proud of you, Tsu-kun._ _"_

But that's a distant dream, and one he's beginning to suspect will never come true, no matter how many times he comes home with a high score on last week's test. The test that he studied so hard for, and the test that even got Reborn to praise him for his good work. It sucks- it really sucks and it hurts so bad, but every time he tells his mother, she always smiles at him, he can see a little light in her eyes, it gets his hopes up, and then she says, " _I_ _'_ _m so proud of you, Giotto,_ _"_ because it's Giotto that she wants to see and be proud of. He doesn't matter. He's less than the shadow of his brother, not even capable of reaching the same grades as the person that use to show the most care and love towards him. The only person that actively acknowledged his achievements and his problems, and had made it a habit to make sure that he knew that he was loved by at least someone in the world.

God he wished his brother was here, but… just add that to his ever growing list of impossibilities.

His father, Iemitsu, was worse than the bullies and his mother's lack of care combined. He didn't care that the man didn't love him – Iemitsu never had as far he could remember – the problem was the amount that his father drunk on a daily basis. It was worse than ever before since what happened just a year prior. He doesn't know how many bottles and cans litter the living-room, the kitchen, his parents' bedroom- all he knew was that there were too many to count. Iemitsu didn't care, more so because he was drunk almost 24/7, and therefore didn't care much about anything. His breath always reeked of alcohol. His father took his grief and anger out on him by yelling, sometimes by threatening to beat him. It was terrifying, and though he couldn't bring himself to express it, he was thankful that all his friends would beg or force him to stay at their homes instead. Honestly, they were all so adamant in protecting and helping him, and god he loves them so, so, so much, but the guilt still had to fester in his gut. He shouldn't be dragging them into his problems, especially when all of them are still in the midst of grieving themselves.

Giotto really must have been one of the most loved people to live in this world. He's still loved even after a year has passed since that day. _God he missed his brother._

They all did. Everyone that knew Giotto felt the same hollow emptiness that hadn't existed until after he had been snuffed out of their lives. Hayato and G. felt it, Alaude and Kyoya felt it, Daemon, Mukuro, and Chrome felt it, Asari, Takeshi, Knuckle, Ryohei, Kyoko, Elena, Lampo, Lambo, Haru, Nana, Iemitsu, himself- _they all felt it._ That same lacuna in their hearts that beat so inertly in some of their chests. It was a mutual pain, except some people took it out more violently than others.

Iemitsu was one of those people, and Iemitsu is who changed this what-would-be-normal day into something harrowing and lurid.

The day had started out normal, and relatively uneventful given what his life is like day-to-day anyway. He came home, he was ignored by both his parents, and he went to his bedroom to contemplate the worthlessness of his existence and what the point of everything is- because really, _what IS_ _the point?_ He could maybe argue that it was to not leave behind all the people that do still care about him, because even in the midst of his depression, he acknowledged that he wasn't completely unloved. It would be unfair if he just gave up and left everyone. He just can't cause them that kind of pain again.

Iemitsu was ignorant to those thoughts of his youngest, and one remaining son.

It was already dark when it started. Those heavy footsteps that could only ever belong to an intoxicated Iemitsu could be heard thundering up those fragile wooden steps of the stairs, and _god_ _–_ _oh god he_ _'_ _s scared. The air feels thick and he swears that he can_ _'_ _t breath from the virulent smoke seeping into him. His throat feels constricted and tight, and his lungs are burning from the intensity of a reality already passed. It burns. Everything burns, be it his hands, his eyes, the wood of his home, those poor flowers lying amidst a broken vase, and god_ _…_ _his brother didn_ _'_ _t even scream when the beams came crashing down._

He's sick. There's bile in his mouth, but he can't even find the time to spit it out because his heart is pounding, his breaths are short and choked, and against the door is something worse than the rapping of knuckles against wood. He needs to run. He has to leave. He has to get _out_ of here! Before the roof crashes onto _him_ this time, before Iemitsu can break him like he's going to break the door, before that vile, _vile person_ rips more from him; before it's all gone and there's nothing left in his life worth living for.

He's glad that there was a tree right outside his window. The rain was pelting and chilling him to the bone, but he could still _feel_ the searing hot pain viciously ripping into his gloved hands, even though there was really nothing there beyond the numbing water trying to leak through the dark leather and bits of cold, decorative metal. He wished he felt nothing rather than the quick palpitations circulating from his heart to his veins, nothing in favor of the fear that's clouding his judgement and his vision (or maybe it's just the rain), nothing instead of those grievous memories – but that too was an impossibility.

That's why he ran. He had nothing on his back, not even socks on his feet, but he ran. He ran because he could _hear_ the door exploding into _splinters_ behind him, and really he wasn't sure if it was the door to his bedroom, or the front door of the house. It doesn't matter anymore. No- no it does matter, because if he's caught, then his bones will surely make the same sound not long after.

Where does he go? Where _can_ he go? There's a monster chasing him, _and_ _oh god he_ _'_ _s right behind him._

It's terrifying.

It's _surreal._

It should've ended like all the other days, but no _no no nO. It_ _'_ _s NOT_ _ending like the other days. Everything is going up in flames and he_ _'_ _s scared scared SCARED. He_ _'_ _s scared! His lungs burn but it_ _'_ _s not because of ash and smoke. His vision is unclear but he_ _'_ _s not sure if it_ _'_ _s because of the lack of oxygen. Giotto isn_ _'_ _t here to protect him this time from the burning, falling beam threatening to crush him. Giotto can_ _'_ _t save him from the monster that had always waited outside his bedroom door. Giotto just isn_ _'_ _t here!_

But he wished he was…

God did he wish…

If only it weren't another impossibility.

His legs were still moving, and he could hear the violent splashes roaring just behind him while the monster screamed at him to _stop._ He did not dare to stop. His mind and body were in automatic, and it was all he could do but think of where to go. The sight of a familiar home in the distance almost had him tripping in delight. Even with the savage rain biting into him like a rabid beast in all its ferocious glory, he could feel that welcoming warmth radiating from the dimmed lights that were clearly on. He doesn't know why they're on when he's sure that it had to be well past ten at night, but he couldn't be more relieved.

He ran harder, and before he knew it he was slamming himself against that door and choking out cries of o _pen open open OPEN! Please open!_

It did open, and when it did, it seemed that everything stopped just as soon as it started. He couldn't hear the harsh words of Iemitsu anymore, couldn't feel the gelid droplets that had tried to impede his way, couldn't think that what had just transpired was actually real. It was like a strange calm had fallen over him as soon as he was pulled inside. Luce was wrapping a towel around him, of that he was sure, but he hardly felt like he was there. If he turned, he's sure he would see Reborn standing there, CZ 75 1st in hand, and a frigid glare set in his eyes that just _dared_ Iemitsu to takeanother _goddamn step._ What happened next felt like a dream, and, for all he knows, maybe it was.

Reborn stayed by the window, watching in case Iemitsu had the gall to return. Luce left to go into the kitchen, probably to make something to calm everyone down. He was told to go change into something dry, and he was glad that he stayed here often enough that he actually had a pair of clothes to change into. There was a mug of chamomile tea waiting for him when he came back, and he remembers distantly wondering if maybe Luce and Reborn had known he would be coming. He felt that such an absurd thought might've crossed his mind before, and maybe part of him believed it.

To him – to one Tsunayoshi Sawada – it was surreal.

The terror he had felt was finally subsiding.

What started like a normal day since one year prior ended like a very frightful and abnormal day since only one other night in his life. Unlike that day though, there was no one giving him a pained smile. No one pushing him out of harm's way and sacrificing their self instead. No one here would look at him tomorrow and blame him for what happened yesterday. Just… no one. He was safe, and warm, and he might've been crying. It was all just so _surreal,_ and he's so _glad_ that he's not alone right now and that he's not hurt. He wasn't okay; he didn't feel okay, but in the same sense he knew that he was because he was amongst people that always did so much for him.

And that, he knew, was not something to be added to his ever growing list of impossibilities.

* * *

 **A/N: And that, my dear readers, is that. Like I said at the very top though, I will explain a little bit about the setting here.**

 **In all honesty this fic spawned from an AU that I fondly call Cozart's Ghost. Yes, that is Cozart as in Cozart Shimon from Primo's generation. Of course you don't need to know who is he is to read this, and given that I have nothing else up and posted for KHR, you don't need to concern yourself with any prequels or sequels. Anyway, Cozart's Ghost is an AU where Tsuna is the younger brother to Giotto in modern times. Unfortunately, as has been inferred by the fic above, Giotto died in a fire one year prior to the current time. He had pushed Tsuna out of the way of some falling beams, and since then, Tsuna has fallen into depression. Nana has become distant and suffers through so much grief over the loss of Giotto that she doesn't recognize Tsuna, and Iemitsu more or less tries to drink his depression away. He uses _displacement_ to release his pent up emotions, which unfortunately makes Tsuna the victim.**

 **Tsuna has developed a trigger (that being fire or anything related to fire) that easily and quickly causes him to have a panic attack. Whether or not I portrayed him having a panic attack correctly is up in the air, but hopefully I managed well enough. Regardless, there are bullies at school that like to take advantage of this, and normally one of Tsuna's friends (amongst Giotto's friends) will do something to help him calm down, and/or make the bullies regret their actions.**

 **Said friends are also well aware of Tsuna's circumstances at home. Typically, they have Tsunayoshi stay at one of their houses instead of at his parents' home, but of course it can't happen every single day.**

 **Reborn, surprise surprise, is Tsuna's teacher in class. Since Giotto's death, he's been giving Tsuna extra lessons after school, and eventually the latter started going to Reborn's house as well, where Luce also lives. Luce being Luce sometimes predicts when Tsuna is in real danger, and pretty much makes him spend the night to keep him safe.**

 **The reason the AU is called Cozart's Ghost is because, well, Giotto is an earthbound spirit and basically "haunts" Cozart whilst worrying over his little brother. The AU is intended to start out dark and dreary, but overtime become lighter and warmer. It's a recovery themed AU.**

 **That's all I'll say here, but if you'd like to hear more, just say so in a review, or go ahead and message me. Also, if you noticed any mistakes, please let me know. I don't write stories half as much as I use to and don't really have people that can point things out or criticize me.**

 **With that said, ciao~**


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